A Letter to Jennifer

This post is for my niece Jennifer, who is 22 and getting married in October. Jennifer has always said she wants to be a young mother, so I imagine we'll be welcoming cute little Jenns before we know it.

Getting the house ready for a new baby is always a little bit stressful, as the books give you a list a mile long of things you need to do. I've been to the rodeo three times, and have culled that list down to a very short and effective to do list that will keep your prep time short, efficient, and stress free. Here is

Aunt Laurie's Top Ten Ways to Prepare for the Baby Invasion:

1. Don't wallpaper the baby's room. It's frustrating, time-consuming and makes you fight with your husband.
2. Don't stress about bedding for the crib. It doesn't matter what type of bedding you get, the baby will be sleeping right between you and Paul for the first six weeks of its' life.
3. If you don't want something barfed on, get rid of it.
4. The only toys you'll need for the first year are already in your pantry: an empty box, a set of plastic measuring cups and a spoon.
5. If someone asks you what you want for your baby shower, say "diapers" or "a babysitter." They're the most useful baby items you'll ever get.
6. The changing table is part of a conspiracy developed by baby furniture people who want you to think you need more furniture than you actually do. A changing station on top of the dryer works great. And it vibrates.
7. Swings are overrated and they mess up your decor. Better to let the dishes sit, and rock the baby yourself.
8. Stake out a place to stash your carseat, your diaper bag and your breast pump before you bring the baby home. Otherwise you'll be looking at all three on the end of your kitchen table every day for the first year.
9. The crib that converts to a toddler bed is also a conspiracy.
10. There's no point in trying to find a crib that won't make your baby look like a monkey in the zoo. It doesn't exist.

When you're ready for Aunt Laurie's top ten ways to get barf out of your favorite dress, I'll be here for you honey.