When You Thought I Wasn't Paying Attention, I Was

When I write about my parents in Suburban Zen, I usually write about my mom. I've been hearing from readers lately though, how much they love it when my dad pipes with his frequent, lengthy, sometimes even relevant commentary. Father's Day seems like a good day to give my dad his very own post.

Mark Twain once said that when he was 17 he couldn't believe how foolish his father was, and when he turned 21 he was amazed at how much his father had learned in the short course of four years.

As I reflect on my adult life, I realize many of the lessons I learned from my dad are from my childhood, and not lessons he actively tried to teach me. He just lived them and they somehow penetrated and stuck. Lessons like:

• Work hard so you can play hard.
• Take responsibility for yourself and your actions.
• You can be fun and funny, and still be in charge. Nobody can make me laugh like my dad can, but my sister and I always knew when it was time to be serious and listen. Not that we always did, but we knew we were supposed to.
• It's OK to make a mess, in fact it's good for you. As long as you clean up after yourself when you're done.
• Value people more than things. The only time dad got really mad at my sister and me was when we fought with each other, or hurt our mom's feelings. (Sorry, mom. we didn't mean it.)
• When you pass by a Dairy Queen, always stop for an ice cream cone unless you have one in your hand already.
• Always take pride in the house you live in. Even in the early days when we rented a house behind a gas station, my dad was proud of and grateful for what we had.
• If you feel like wearing an orange leisure suit, wear it. And let people take all the pictures they want.

Thanks, dad. I hope Andie, Jack and Katie are soaking up some of that second-hand wisdom from me. I know for sure they've picked up on the one about Dairy Queen.

I'm Still Working on That

There are many projects in my life that are unfinished. In fact, I'd say most of them are in various stages of completion because real life often interferes with my plans to complete something from start to finish. A project that takes more than 60 minutes is destined to be spread over multiple days, sometimes weeks, and on occasion, years. Rather than think of my to do list as incomplete, think of it as a constant state of progress.

One project that feeds into that constant state of progress is the inspiration board that hangs over my desk. When my family created my little office corner (see post Let the Inspiration Begin!) my husband hung a huge linen board over the desk for all the various photos, tear sheets, swatches, and other ephemera that I tend to collect.

That board is now an ever-evolving compilation of things I think are beautiful, things that inspire me, and things that may evolve into a project of some sort in the future (when I find the time.) In my opinion, a good inspiration board is never done: I'll always be adding and sometimes subtracting as my sources of inspiration, tastes and interests evolve. My children have even gotten in on the action: Andie has a board in her room where she compiles inspiration for her wardrobe.

And a project that doesn't have a defined end and is satisfying anyway? I highly recommend it.

Real Life Social Networking

Now and then I veer off my chosen topic of decorating a casual, comfortable, low maintenance house for families. This is one of those times.

I am well known for the love/hate relationship I have with technology. While I appreciate the conveniences that technology brings to a busy life like mine, I worry that it's had a not-so-positive aspect to my human interactions with people outside my family. (And my Dad might argue they're not so great with those inside my family either.) I was horrified to find myself having this interaction with my husband one morning:

Me: "Ugh! I'm so frustrated! I can't figure out how to post this thing on your Facebook wall."

JP: "What would you like to say? I'm standing right here."

While Facebook, Twitter, email, Skype and texts all make it easier to stay in touch with people, they also tend to make those interactions less personal and the connections we make more superficial. So I'm happy to see a new lifestyle trend that at least partially counteracts that effect: The Communal Table.

Many restaurants are designing their interiors to include a long communal table, where you and your friends dine side by side with strangers. It's kind of like a dinner party, but without the host. My favorites are:

Outstanding in the Field

A bus that travels all over America throwing dinner parties in interesting locations.

Up to 100 people are seated shoulder to shoulder and enjoy a feast harvested from the local landscape and cooked onsite.

Camino

A restaurant in Oakland, CA with long tables and church pews. You can't help but engage in a conversation with your neighbor about the Wood Oven Baked Bucatini they ordered.

Le Pain Quotidien
A bakery originated in Belgium whose philosophy is:

Friends and strangers alike come together around our communal table to break bread and linger for a while. Take a seat next to a neighbor, share the Brunette and be reminded that, even in the big city, we are a community.

I still have to decide to leave my house in order to enjoy this trend. But when I do, I like the idea that I might meet an interesting new person or be inspired to try something new. I might even "friend" someone.

Maria Callas Is My Soulmate

I'm lucky to have one of those jobs that lists "getting inspired" as part of the job description, and occasionally I just hand an entire day over to the idea of inspiration. Friday was one of those days.

My friend Christopher prepared an agenda of 25 inspiring places to visit, starting with the San Francisco Flower Market, and ending with a warehouse full of french antiques that used rickety old shelving as it's only merchandising technique. In between there were approximately 25 other visits around the city of San Francisco. As Christopher, Pallavi and I traipsed across the city and back (and then back again) we saw beautiful things, met interesting people, and ate delicious food (like the cappuccino and apricot/anise donut at Four Barrel that got our day started).

As I search for ideas that I can apply to my daily work, I always keep a corner of my mind open for ideas that I can apply to my home, or things my family would like. Friday was a good day for that. For example:

Start your day with flowers if you can. It makes everyone happy.

Even the most utilitarian corner of your house can be beautiful. I've never seen packets of Equal look so pretty.

If it's meaningful to you and your family, it's art.

Everyone works better after taking a break for some ice cream.

Remember and share the stories of the things in your house. These guys could have talked for hours about each of the products in their shop. That's one of the big differences between visiting a chain store and visiting a small privately owned store. And it's one of the big differences between a model home and a warm and comfortable family home that's been built over a lifetime.

Old and beat up is OK. Just like with people, the richness of life experience can show in the things you choose for your home. My red leather chairs aren't worn out, they're wise and experienced.

If you've got a skill or talent in your family's history, keep it alive. One store we visited, The Parish Trust, dedicates its existence to collecting and curating antiques from dead and dying industries. The store was a treasure trove of manual typewriters, vintage cameras, and other items my children might not even recognize in twenty years.

And last, in case I or anyone in my house has forgotten:

Let The Inspiration Begin!

As I mentioned last week, I've decided to make only New Year's resolutions that will make my family happy, or will make my home a happier place. My family joined in this weekend and staged a fun surprise for me.

In a house like mine, where lots of time is spent building comfy and cozy spaces for every family member, Mom sometimes gets forgotten. Jack, Andie, JP and Katie all have workspaces of their own, but I have none. Combine that with the fact that my computer, my phone and my email address are all Williams-Sonoma property, and I have come to the verge of an identity crisis.

I mentioned that fact to my family before a recent trip to Florida, and came home to find that they had created a little corner of my own for me in a warm spot right next to the fireplace. Behold my new workspace:

Everyone pitched in with the project:

• Jack helped JP move my favorite table from the living room
• Andie made a linen board for me so I'd have all my pictures close by
• Katie went to the Apple store with JP to get me a MacBook and an iPhone of my own

I arrived home on Sunday night to find my nice little office corner all set up and ready to inspire my writing, reading, and other creative projects that typically get squeezed in where they can. My workday Monday was filled with thoughts of my new workspace waiting for me at home.

Thanks JP, for masterminding such a fun surprise. And thanks Furber family for helping. If you need me, I'll be in my office.

I Want to be India Hicks

I've always been inspired by India Hicks. She seems to me to be the ultimate working mother who always looks great, always has her house together, and has a balanced view of how work, family and interior design come together to make a happy life.


She lives in one of those plantations in the Bahamas that actually has a name (Hibiscus Hill)


and she's often photographed looking beautiful and surrounded by children


Some of my best ideas are inspired by India Hicks and the many articles and books that have been published about her. For example:
She's not afraid to show the quirky objects and collections that make up her life with her four children

She uses a chronicle of candid photography as a decorative element throughout her house



Her interiors are designed to be pretty, but also casual and comfortable for her family

I prefer to think she is like me and does it with a minimum of help from outside staff, but who knows and I'm not one to judge. Just substitute JP for David Flint Wood, and Andie, Jack and Katie for the Hicks children and I could slide right into Hibiscus Hill and live happily ever after.

World Design

Living in Alamo, California, my children aren't exposed to a diversity of culture. However, JP and I make an effort to introduce them to world influences with different types of food, music, books about different cultures. Additionally, I try to intersperse different world influences into our home decor and tell them the stories when I can get them to listen:

African Wedding Baskets, the traditional gift given to brides in Zambia and Angola, sit on the table in our entry.


Two sets of Chinese Fortune Sticks, a traditional method of fortune telling, sit in the family room to be used randomly when they catch someone's interest.


A vintage Suzani, a form of Uzbek textile art that was traditionally made as a part of a woman's dowry, roams around the house and has lately found a home on JP's and my bed:


And most recently a vintage Indian Kantha, a quilt that's block printed and quilted by hand, was added to our stack of throws in the family room.


I like to think we're planting the seeds of curiosity now, and our children will grow up with open hearts and a taste for adventure that will take them around the world to see for themselves what's beyond their safe havens of California, Washington, Idaho and Arizona.

Cookies in Bed

My post on March 24th "You Can't Curl Up with a Cup of Coffee and a Mac" got me thinking about the magazines that I really love and rely on for good ideas and inspiration.

Cookie Magazine is one of my very favorites as it's one of the few parenting magazines that assumes women retain their sense of style, interests and taste for adventure after they have children. Cookie also assumes that we want to be the best parents we can be, so it's written like good advice from a girlfriend rather than a laundry list of things I could do better.

For a laugh read this article "The Pink Dress," and you'll get a sense for what this magazine is about.


This magazine also tackles a topic that's near and dear to my heart -- keeping the family home stylish, comfortable and healthy, and keeping your sense of humor while you're at it.

(Rug from Pedlar's Webstore)

I'm sure Cookie will survive, but just in case, please pick one up at your newsstand or better yet, subscribe. If they fold, I'll really miss my Cookies in bed.

Where Does a Busy Mom Find Inspiration?

I believe that inspiration is an essential component to creativity, and I believe that creativity is an essential component to creating a happy and fun home for my family.

Here's the problem: in a house like mine, it's easy to get caught up in covering the basics, skimming the surface and just getting through the day. I could spend weeks without seeing or doing anything inspiring if I let myself.

I got any early start yesterday and spent the day on location in St. Helena shooting beautiful spreads in a beautiful house.

Watch this video for a glimpse of the location. That experience should hold me for awhile.

On the weeks I'm not so lucky, I have to work a little harder to find my inspiration. Good sources are:
The Local Farmer's Market

Mine is in Danville, yours can be found at the Local Harvest website.
Experiencing the beautiful colors, happy people and delicious smells are my favorite way to start my weekend. Because of my regular trips to the Farmer's Market, I use a lot of fresh fruit and vegetables in my kitchen decor. The colors look pretty and my children are reminded to eat an apple occasionally.

The Local Flower Market

Mine is in San Francisco, yours can be found on the CitySearch website just by typing "flower market" and your city name.
On the days I'm lucky enough to start my day at the San Francisco Flower Market, creativity reigns! Regular visits to the flower market inspired the garden in the windowsill of my kitchen. Katie is in charge of helping JP take good care of that garden.

Any Museum

In San Francisco, there are hundreds of beautiful museums to choose from. Museums in your city can be found at the Museums in the USA website.

A recent trip to the deYoung to see the Dale Chihuly exhibit inspired me to build a wall like this in Sun Valley for my quilts, blankets and throws, which are in constant use in that house:

I'll be working on that when we're on vacation next week.

A trip to the SFMoMA with Andie to see a Rothko exhibit reminded me that I need to do some curating of the Furber Family Museum of Modern Art. Katie has yet to have her art displayed in the hallway with the other masterpieces.


Today's inspiring project will be a trip to the local craft store for paint, then a session with the artist, then an installation of the artist's works. The true inspiration, though, will come from the happy smile on Katie's cute face when she sees her works hanging with the other artists.

You Can't Curl Up with a Cup of Coffee and a Mac

I love the web for all it's obvious great qualities, but I am starting to worry that magazines and newspapers will become obsolete sooner that I ever thought. One of my favorite hometown newspapers The Seattle Post-Intelligencer and one of my favorite magazines Domino both folded earlier this year. There's a website now called Magazine DeathPool that documents all the magazines going under. And most horrifying: when New York Times publisher Arthur Sulzberger Jr. was asked at a conference in October of last year whether the New York Times would still be a print product in ten years he answered "The heart of the answer must be (that) we can't care." Sounds pretty vague to me. Am I going to have to read the Style section online in ten years at www.graylady.com? No thanks.

I love everything about magazines and newspapers, especially the artisanship that goes into the creation of them. I think printed matter forces a standard of journalism that's sometimes lacking online. I like the ritual of sitting down with a cup of coffee and a magazine. I love the way the pages smell and feel in my hands. I love big pretty pictures. And pretty pictures printed on heavy paper -- even better.

Apart from all that, though, magazines and newspapers are a very big part of my decorating strategy in my house, and I'm very worried about what I'll do if they are no longer at my disposal whenever I need them:

Magazines are great space fillers in book cases and once you put them away, they need very little maintenance. Perfect for a working mom with very little time.


A stack of magazines on the coffee table looks great and doesn't break when knocked over by the family dog when he executes a sliding stop at the end of the hall and crashes into the coffee table. Just an example of what goes on in my family room.


All the books collected over the years by adults and children alike can also be great space fillers, and that one book with the weird cover can blend right in when covered in newspaper.


Magazines and newspapers have been my signature gift wrap for as long as I've had kids.

If I have to start shopping for and stocking wrapping paper, something else is going to have to come off my to do list.

And last, but certainly not least, having print all over the house reminds my kids to read. Everywhere they look there's a magazine, a newspaper or a book that they can pick up anytime. The quiet moments when Andie, Jack and I to curl up with our magazines (Domino for me, Seventeen for Andie, Sports Illustrated for Jack) and read with the TV off may be rare, but they're memorable. I don't quite see that happening with the Kindle or selections from the Internet Public Library.

Sit Loose in the Saddle of Life by Guest Blogger Laurie's Mom

My lovely daughter, Laurie, has asked me to write about how to keep a home flexible enough for grownups, and still be family friendly when the grandchildren come to visit. Whew, what a relief, one of my main goals these days is to have a home that the whole family “feels at home in”….maybe it is working.

I don’t know about you, but I’m a much different grandmother than I was as a mother. I can sum my difference up in one word RELAXED. As Laurie’s dad and I have worked through the aging process we have discovered we passed through stages:

Stage 1: Where do we go from here?
As newlyweds it took us a while to figure out that we were responsible for ourselves…paying bills, chores, ………..yikes!!! Once we got that figured out, we moved on to………

Stage 2: Accumulate Stuff
You know the stuff I am talking about…sofas, kitchen tables, bedspreads, more Tupperware, than we need…and on and on.

Stage 3: What do I do with this Stuff?
We spent many years managing the house and stuff in it constantly reminding the girls to pick up their rooms, cleaning our stuff, and putting it away again. Parents note….do not do that…the kids grow up and leave soon enough and then you will have a clean empty house.

Stage 4: Looking at the Stuff and remembering
The girls are gone; we are just the two of us. Sitting in the house looking at the memories and longing for the days that have passed.

Stage 5: Get on with the rest of your life
Even though you still remember the gift of raising your children, it is time to figure out what to do with the rest of your life. Solution: Clean out; Clean out; Clean out what you accumulated in stages 1,2, and 3. The girls had their own homes, so we packed the car and delivered all their stuff and gave it back to them. The rest was donated.

Stage 6: Redecorate remembering ….LESS IS MORE
The more you have, the more you have to clean, reorganize and think about. Now we only buy what we need and use what we have. Our whole philosophy in life follows this motto.

Stage 7: Gentle Grandparenting
Our five grandchildren fill our hearts and we try to show them…not with “stuff” but with fun. We try to have a home where they can come and enjoy themselves and still be kids.


When the small ones come, we put away any stuff that might make us anxious if they touch it!!!

Once we make that sweep of the house, we make an agenda. We ask them ahead of time if there is anything special they really want to do. We try to keep the list simple but interesting and fun. Katie likes to walk in the cactus garden with grandpa; Andie likes to go to movies; Jack wants to be a “guy”.

I usually plan one MFO (Mandatory Family Outing). All members must participate and I give everyone lots of notice. Last time we got together, I over did it and planned two MFOs…….oops!!

Picnics: I believe everything tastes better outside. Granted, we live in AZ where the weather usually permits eating outside on most days. A picnic only takes a blanket and food. We have picnicked on grass by the side of the road; at parks, in the backyard. One time, when it was pouring outside, we threw the blanket over the kitchen table and called it an indoor picnic.


We do have some rules but not many. Everyone must use a napkin; preferably on their lap. Jack did make me rethink the importance of the napkin on the lap when he asked me why he should put it on his lap, when it was closer to his mouth when he needed it if he left it on the table. We also don’t allow cell phone talking or texting at the table. Okay, I am flexible on that too..they can talk and text if they excuse themselves from the table. Allie usually has many excused absences during dinner.

Send the parents on a “DATE”. Kids behave differently when their parents are around. My mom used to tell me that about the girls…I just brushed her off.

I’m sorry mom, I get it now.

Design Trends that are Great for the Family Home

Those of us decorating family homes can sometimes find that we pass on many design trends either because they're impractical for our lifestyle, or because we just don't have the time to pay attention to them. There are a few current design trends that I think are perfect for the busy family lifestyle. In fact, you may find you're in fashion already:

Eclectic Chic
Re-emergence of styles where furniture and decor is mixed and matched to suit the homeowner's personality is perfect for the busy family. Styles like Hollywood Regency are designed to showcase things a homeowner (or family) has collected over a lifetime. I wouldn't recommend committing entirely to a specific look like Hollywood Regency, as that's a lot of work. But I would recommend celebrating the return of eclectic design and proudly displaying those things you love, but have tucked away because you don't think they're stylish.


Artisan Decor
Appreciation for the artisan, and collecting hand-crafted products for the home is back in a big way. Any turtle shell, macaroni necklace, and pottery bowl made by my children can now be displayed proudly for it's artisanship.


World Design
Merging of multi-cultural designs - inspired from cultures and nations across the globe - is a great way to add personality to your home and also to expose your children to a more worldly point of view on culture and on design. And it's very fashionable these days.


Simple Beauty
There seems to be a new appreciation for simplicity, which is perfect for the family home. The fewer things to dust, the better.


And last, but not least, my favorite The Lived-in Look
The days of the uptight and perfect home seem to be behind us, at least for now. Casual and a little rumpled is the look of the moment.

Finally! My unmade bed is a fashion statement.

Everything Eventually Comes Into Fashion If You Wait Long Enough

I've been in the catalog business for most of my career, and many hours on location have made me a fan of a product known to photo crew members as "goop".

For years, I've been sticking photos, postcards and other things I like to my walls with goop. I add and subtract as I go, and my walls become sort of a living display of my family's and my current interests.

I've always liked this method of photo display because it's easy, I think it adds nicely to the casual vibe I have going in my home, and it doesn't require the time commitment of sizing, framing and hanging all my photos. In short, it's perfect for a working mother of three.

I'd like to thank the stylists and magazine editors who've recently made just sticking photos randomly to the wall a style statement. I'm seeing it everywhere now:



Any trendsetter who popularizes the easiest possible decorating idea is doing all of us working moms a big favor. If I could hug each of you I would!

Art in the Everyday

My friend Brian Andriola just did a great article for Country Living magazine all about his collection of white bowls.


The article, and the images that came with it reminded me that everyday objects can be the most beautiful things in my home. I remember when I was growing up, my Mom had very few decorative things in the house, but always had very beautiful baskets that she displayed throughout the house, hung on the walls in place of art, and used for storage. Now I understand why -- with kids crashing through the house 24/7, unbreakable accessories are a good idea. After 13 years of kids in the house, and 13 years of addressing new and various organizing challenges, I've accidently built quite a beautiful basket collection of my own.
I've got painted french wire that I acquired on a trip to London

Vintage fishing creels collected from Sun Valley

Several laundry baskets purchased in my quest to find the perfect size and shape

African Wedding Baskets that were some of the first decorative objects I bought when we moved into our house

Willow trunks that have held anything from toys to baby clothes, to bike helmets in the garage

Some metal boxes and vintage suitcases that have been with us since the very early days of our marriage

A garden trug I purchased at the Paris Flea Market


Katie and I will be spending this rainy Saturday afternoon trying to make sense of it all. Thanks, Brian for the inspiration. And drop by if you've got a minute.