Open Door Policy

As you may have noticed, Suburban Zen has been on its annual summer hiatus while the Furbers vacation at the family beach house on the Puget Sound. We enjoyed our time together, took the boat out every day, had read-ins, went to movies, fished, hunted for crabs, went for walks, had campfires on the beach. It was pure bliss.

I had an interesting revelation this year that I hope will change the dynamic in my house for the better (and it's pretty great already).

First some background: my sister and my mom have always told me that it's a good thing to be the family with the hangout house. That way you can see what your kids are up to, meet all their friends, and see your kids interact with their peers so you can give them some gentle coaching when they need it.

I've tried to take that advice to heart and have parties and play dates at our house -- always scheduled and very carefully choreographed with activities and such to keep the kids entertained. The house is usually clean and the refrigerator is usually stocked.

This past week at the beach house was noticeably different. Andie, Jack and Katie befriended Franklin, Taylor and Sadie, three very nice teenagers from down the beach. Each day all the kids would gather, usually at our house, and hang out, go boating with us, play ping pong in the garage, and generally do what nice kids do. Every once in a while, we'd see Taylor traipsing back to her house with Katie and my niece Maggie following behind. Or Jack and Franklin would take the rowboat out and fish for dogfish. Or Franklin would conduct a wake boarding class for all the kids. I even caught a snippet of brotherly advice handed down from Franklin to Jack ("I don't know what the truth is, Jack, but it's always the best answer").


All week I was surrounded by happy, polite, relaxed kids and it was one of the best weeks of my life. No stress, no power struggles, and best of all, no planning.

I've now resolved to open my house -- clean or dirty, food or no food -- more generously to Andie, Jack and Katie's buddies. Bring it on girls and boys, I'm ready for you. Just take some advice from the best house guests ever, Franklin, Taylor and Sadie:

Be polite to the parents. They like it.
Be nice to all the siblings. Parents like that too.

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